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 Cultivated morality arouses only two alternatives: one is to go mad -- if the person is sincere he will go mad -- the other alternative is that he will be a hypocrite. And naturally people choose to be hypocrites rather than going mad, and I cannot condemn them either. That is more intelligent.
That's why you see such hypocrites all over the place around the world. They are everywhere -- pretenders. You know them. They live a totally different life behind the walls. They have two lives: their real life is underground. They are living in such inner conflict that they cannot be happy. And the person who is not happy will not allow anybody else to be happy either. These people are sad, they have long faces; they are tense, they live in constant conflict and anguish, and they would like everybody to live like that. Naturally, they will condemn all joy, they will condemn all laughter. They will condemn EVERYTHING that is playful, that is fun. They will reduce you to utter seriousness, and seriousness is illness, it is pathological.
Life is available only to those who are playful. Life is not for the serious; for the serious is the grave. Life is for those who are festive, who know how to celebrate.
OSHO
Philosophia Perennis,
Vol-2,
Chapter-10
1. The Old Professor (poses the following problem to one of his classes:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his daughter, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his brother, and the rest to his wife. Now, what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Pauly raises his hand and says, “A lawyer?”
2. There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing.
On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!
The Japanese exclaimed, "What??… so expensive!"
There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!
3. Police Inspector: Have you caught the thief?
Constable: No, but I found some trace of him.
Police Inspector: What?
Constable: Finger prints.
Police Inspector: Where?
Constable: On my cheeks.
4. A man and his wife were walking on a busy street. Coming to a corner a beggar shouted out to the lady:
Oh beautiful!! I am blind give me five and a quarter rupees
At once her husband told her: Give him what he asks, If he thinks you are beautiful then there is no doubt that he is blind!!
5. Once Mulla Nasruddin was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, Mulla deserved more service. So, when Mulla fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, Mulla was woken by the barber, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied Mulla "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
6. What is marriage?
1. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
15. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
16. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
17. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but they still stay together.
18. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
19. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the “Y” becomes silent.
20. I married Miss right; I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
21. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
22. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
23. A man was complaining to a friend: I had it all-money, a beautiful house, the love of a beautiful woman, then pow! it was all gone. What happened, asked his friend. He says my wife found out.
24. WIFE: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
25. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN’T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
26. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
27. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
28. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
29. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
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