NOTES OF A MADMAN

- A synopsis
Good, this is what I mean by being unmiserly. Mind is always miserly, is always a cheat. It cannot be otherwise. Mind always tries to limit, to stop, because it is possible to control the limited. One should give totally in everything, then one can know the is-ness of life. It is the very spirit of living... not great nor holy, not the other chaining the other.

I have been leading a revolution, not of gradualness -- so once in a while be fearless. And remember, with me there is no danger. I have nothing to lose, I have lost everything. I have nothing more to lose because now I have only that which cannot be lost -- ever.

The Upanishads sing, "Take us beyond the deathless...." Who can do it for you? It is futile. Only you yourself can go; nobody can take you, only you. The Upanishads go on, but it is only beautiful words. Words are words; howsoever beautiful, they are empty, they can never contain the poetry, they never contain the essence.

SERIES #1
SESSION 6

"O Lord,

take us from untruth to truth...." 

But how can anybody take you from the untruth? You are clinging to it. Nobody is holding you to it, you are clinging; it is in your hatred, your anger, your jealousy, your miserliness. Who can take you beyond it except your understanding of it? I emphasize, only understanding is the way. It is not a road ready-made for you. You have to make it. You have to make it, and you have to make it by living it. There is no other method.

You have never been in this isness before. This is rare.

The Himalayas are full of snow, pure whiteness, pure innocence, purity. That's what the word snow-white represents; that is my color. Orange is the color of my disciples, the color of sunrise. My color is white, and can only be white, because white contains all the other colors. It is all; it is one.

You have to listen to me, absolutely. It is a one- way affair: I say, and you listen... I order you. There is no other way. When I am working on your soul, do not disturb me.

Look: I am a poor man, the poorest, but also the richest poor man, if such a thing is possible. I have everything that no king on earth has. Napoleon and Alexander must be jealous... they must be.

So listen and don't try to say anything to me, because whatever you say is bullshit! As far as I am concerned I simply want to be myself. One day what I am saying here, in the privacy of your Noah's Ark, will have to be declared, but wait. 

All that is great comes from here.
All that has splendor comes from here. All that is

beautiful comes from here.... 

I am afraid that even my fingers may not be able to say what I want.

I love to be on these peaks. I love the heights. This beauty, this is sundram. This is something that I can only explain to my lovers. It is beautiful. This is not a story, it is not a novel, it is reality. My tear is a proof. Truth has to be proved by one's tears, by one's existence, by one's way of living.

A scientist cannot be generous. He has to take care, he has to be the calculator, the cautious... but again his left side is taking over. Ashu is winning. This is a polar alignment. Devageet, the man, to the right; the woman, Ashu, to the left. This is not accidental. No man can be on the left, only a woman, because only a woman can be on the left; only a woman because only a woman can connect with me from the left side.

Man is just this poor right hand -- workable, usable, technical, but otherwise of no use. The right side has no poetry, so man should remain on the right; then he is right. When he tries to be on the left he is wrong.

Don't be afraid that I am going mad or something -it is impossible. How can a madman go mad again? Impossible! So with me you can be absolutely fearless. 

Just like a flower...
a flower,
the bees are buzzing around it.
That is what happens around me:   
The flower opens
and the bees start coming
and singing. 

When I see that you are going mad I will stop. Till then let the flower grow and the birds sing. I am a little crazy. Everyone knows it so no need to worry.

Ahhhh the flowers...
the birds... the bees...
I love it all.
Nothing can harm me,
not even death.
Now, now... it is immense!
The very grandeur of it...
the grace of it...
I am afraid to say so.... 

I hear your giggles. I am afraid my body may not be able to express it. For twenty-five years I have been speaking, and with a wrong pronunciation. Who cares? What matters is the heights from which I am speaking. Why are you in a hurry? You are hurrying to nowhere. Call everyone here.

If there is time to relax... let me relax once in a while. I should check whether you are conscious or not. Never be afraid, even if I die at this moment, because I'll be dying with all my blessings, all my joy, whether expressed or not.

Devageet seems to be a little shaky, even more than me when I walk. Have you seen me walking? It is so difficult for me, but as far as the heights are concerned, I can fly.

I am such a devil! I have always been a devil!