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 1. Two moving-men were struggling with a big crate in a doorway. They pushed and tugged until they were exhausted but it would not move.
Finally, the man on the outside said, "We had better give up, we will never get it in."
The fellow on the inside said "What do you mean, get it in? I thought you were trying to get it out!"
2. A woman received a report from the school.
'Your little boy is very intelligent,' said the teacher's note accompanying the report card, 'but he spends entirely too much time playing with the girls. However, I am working on a plan to break him of the habit.'
The mother signed the report and sent it back with this note: 'Let me know if it works, and I will try it out on his father.'
3. In an election campaign a politician was speaking in his constituency. There was a great controversy about prohibition: about whether alcohol should be totally prohibited or not. When he was speaking, a man stood up and asked, 'What is your stand on prohibition?'
Now he became a little shaky because half the population was for it and half was against it. And he could see that half the crowd was for it and half the crowd was against it. Whatsoever he said was going to lose half the votes. It was really difficult. He was in a dilemma.
And then he said, 'You are all my friends. Please raise their hands those who are in favor and those who are against.' Half the people raised their hands in favor, and half against.
Then he said, 'Good. I am with my friends. I am all for my friends. You are all my friends and I am for you.'
4. It is said that a French prince visited a jail. In honor of the royal guest, the prison warden offered to release any prisoner the prince might designate. To pick out that prisoner, the prince began interviewing each of the men privately, asking, "Why are you here?"
"I'm innocent, my lord!" cried one. "I've been framed!" pleaded another. Perjury, prejudice, injustice and oppression were reasons given by the convicts for their being in prison.
Only one man told a different story. "Your highness," he replied, "I deserve to be here and I have no complaint. In my time I have been a wicked, desperate murderer. It is a great mercy, both to society and to myself, that I am here."
"You wicked wretch!" the prince replied. "What a pity you should be confined among so many honest citizens. You admit yourself that you are evil enough to corrupt them all. I can't allow you to remain in their company another day. Guard! This is the man I wish released!"
5. A young father was shopping at a department store with his daughter when the little girl suddenly said, "Daddy, I gotta go."
"Not right now," replied the father.
"I gotta go NOW!" shouted the girl.
To avoid a crisis a saleslady stepped up and said, "That's all right, sir, I will take her."
The saleslady and the little girl went off hurriedly, hand in hand. On their return, Tony looked at his daughter and said, "Did you thank the nice lady for being so kind?"
"Why should I thank her?" retorted the little girl. "She had to go too!"
6. An old farmer was watching his young son. Luke, lighting the wick of the hurricane lamp prior to departing for the evening.
'What is the lantern for?' he asked.
Said his son casually, 'I am off courting Dad, don't worry, I will pay for the oil.'
'Dang me!' said the father, 'When I was a courting, I never took me no lamp along, son.'
'That figures,' came the reply. 'Look what you got!'
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