Osho World Online Magazine :: July 2012
From Darshan Diaries

Nobody Can Make Anybody Suffer

[A new sannyasin asks if Osho can help his father understand his taking sannyas because he is suffering over it.]

You can help him but his understanding cannot be guaranteed. If somebody wants to suffer then there is no way to help. If he is really that much closed -- that he thinks only the thing he thinks is sane and everything else is insane -- then he deserves suffering; he is earning it. This kind of attitude is bound to create trouble. A mind who is open does not suffer because he can see alternatives and he is always ready to look at things in a different and new way. But if a mind is closed then nobody else is responsible; the suffering is his own responsibility.

But I am not saying to make him suffer. I'm saying to try everything that you can, but still if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, and you have to go on your own way. He has suffered enough. If you learn his way you will suffer also. Learn a lesson from him. Whenever you see a man suffering, remember that he must have lived wrongly.

Ordinarily we think others have made him suffer -- that is not right; nobody can make anybody suffer. You can kill me but you cannot make me suffer; that is impossible. You can throw me in gaol -- that is possible -- but you cannot make me suffer. Suffering is my creation: only I can create or uncreate it; nobody else can do anything about it. And so is the case with happiness. You cannot make me happy. You can force me into heaven but you cannot make me happy. Happiness is my own creation, my own freedom. I can remain unhappy even in heaven.

If he has suffered too much he needs all the compassion and all the love that you can muster. But always remember that he must have lived wrongly. He must have remained a closed mind. He must have lived in such a way that he cannot allow other possibilities, alternatives, other people, other philosophies, other religions, other standpoints, other styles. Then he suffers. A man suffers when he wants to impose his idea on the whole world -- and it is not possible; then suffering comes. If he really loves you he will give you freedom. This is your life, you have to choose your path. You have to choose what you would like to be and what you would not like to be. If you start choosing, even if he feels that it doesn't look right to him, he will only explain his idea to you but will not condemn you. Because who knows in the final analysis who is right -- he or you? One thing is certain -- that your life is yours, his life is his. You should not interfere in his life, in his prayer, in his meditations, in his ways; he should not interfere in your life.

But parents have always been of the opinion that they are allowed to interfere in their children's lives. That is a very non-democratic idea, very dictatorial. Parents have committed crimes against children because of this idea. They think: 'It is my kid and I can do anything I want to do. My kid has to be my kid. If I am a jew, he has to be a jew; if I am a christian he has to be christian.' Why? He is a jew; that is more than enough! Now let you choose your own way. If you choose to be a jew that's perfectly good, but if you don't then your desire has to be respected. People who don't respect others' desires suffer, but the responsibility is theirs. I will help you; you can help him.

Don't be arrogant, don't argue with him... because his ideas may have settled. He has lived his life and has become settled, and it is very difficult to unsettle again, to start thinking that something like sannyas can be sane. That will create anxiety in his mind. He has settled, he has become of a particular opinion, he has chosen a way. Even if he has suffered it is his way, familiar, he is acquainted with it. No need to argue with him; his ego won't allow that. Parents have great egos; they cannot listen to their children. Even if the children bring the right message they cannot listen.

Even Joseph didn't listen to Jesus. The parental ego is strong. They think they know. They have lived, experienced life. What do you know? You are just young; you have to see many things... that idea. So no need to argue with him, no need to be aggressive. Just say very humbly that something has happened to you. Just try to explain what has happened with no arrogance, with no effort to convince him and no effort to convert him. There is no need... there is no need to disturb him.

But let him feel your joy... not your philosophy but your joy, which will be of great help. Let him feel your silence. Let him feel that you have changed, that something has started growing in you which was not there before. Let him watch and see and feel. So this will be your task; to be more meditative, silent, restful, laughing, loving... and only that can help him, nothing else.

If he sees that you are happy, then of course a father is happy. Even if he thinks that you are going a little berserk, it's okay; f you are happy, it is good. He may think that it is a little eccentric, moving in orange in Israel, mm? -- the last place to move in orange.... In California it is okay!

He will feel a little that something has gone wrong, but if he sees that you are really happy then he will not interfere. Only your happiness, your silence and maybe, who knows? -- one never knows. He may become interested and he may start asking what you are doing and what has happened to you.

So take a few books, particularly books on Hassids. I have spoken on Hassidism; that book will be helpful. That's why I go on speaking on different religions. Different kinds of parents have to be helped! I take their children away and of course they feel angry!

And come back! Good!
Only Losers Can Win In This Game, Chapter-2

Osho World Online Magazine :: July 2012
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