I am bringing a totally new vision of religion to the earth: I am introducing you to a religion that can laugh, a religion that can love, a religion that can live the ordinary life with extraordinary awareness.
Religion is not a question of changing life patterns, of changing things and situations. Religion changes you, not your situation. -OSHO
1. Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace.
Here are some sleeping Pills.........
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
2. A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
3. Teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose?
Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money?
Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why
4. An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said:
"May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college".
A young man opened the door and let him in.
The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.
He said, "The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old bed.".
When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.
The young man got alarmed and said, "Don't mistake me. She is my sister. She dropped her ear ring and is searching for it".
The old man said, "And the same old story"!.
5. A woman is talking to an operator at the exchange and says " I have been trying to ring 0800 1930 for several days now and cannot get through".
The operator asks "Where did you obtain this number?".
Lady "It was on the front door of the Travel Agency".
"Ah" said the operator " I think that you will find that it is their opening and closing hours".
6. A car was speeding down a motorway so a traffic cop took chase and when he caught
up with the vehicle was amazed to see a woman knitting as she was speeding along.
He realised that she was completely oblivious to the sirens, flashing lights etc. so got out his loud haler and bellowed "PULL OVER". The woman yelled back at him " No its a scarf actually".
7. A man on his deathbed calls over his wife of 60 years.
"Alice" he gasps "my dying wish is that after six months of my passing, you marry Bert from next door".
"But you said that you have always hated Bert" said Alice.
"O I do dear, I do.".
8. Two women chatting in the supermarket. One said "But how did you know that your
husband was drunk?" "He tried putting his pin number into the microwave" replied
the other woman.
9. A man runs to the police stations and says:
Please arrest me!
Why what’s wrong?
I emptied two rounds on my wife!
You killed your wife? You bastard!
No! I missed every bullet that’s why you have to lock me up so she can’t get to me!
10. A cop stops one man and tells him.
I’ve got to fine you! You were going 90! Can you explain that?
All three of my father, grandfather and great grandfather have gone after 90 years.
11. What proof do you have that this man was drunk when you pulled him over officer?
Your honor, he stepped out of the car, kneeled down and tried to roll the concrete...