LAUGH YOUR WAY TO GOD
You have laughed at others but that is violent. When one starts laughing at oneself one is being a little wiser. Then one knows the whole ridiculousness, one's own stupidities. And when a man starts laughing at himself he is becoming less ridiculous, he is becoming more and more aware, alert -- that's why he can laugh. He can see his own foolishness. And when you can see your own foolishness you can become wise. Only fools are not aware that they are fools; wise people are always aware that there are a thousand and one stupidities. The more wise you become, the more aware you are -- aware about everything.
Tao: The Pathless Path,
1. A door to door salesman knocked on a door and a woman answered.
Salesman: Hello, would you like to buy a book titled 500 excuses to give your wife for staying out late?
Woman : Why on earth would I buy a book like that ?
Salesman: Because, I sold a copy to your husband this morning.
2. A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for quite some time now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any more."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I personally placed an order for them just a couple of days ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked if we had any?"
"Poisonous spiders in the fruit department."
3. The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.
4. Early one morning, the husband, who works in a funeral home, complained of severe abdominal pains.
He was rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain.
The husband decided not to call his office until he knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed that, he was suffering from a kidney stone.
The wife turned to her husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?"
With a scornful look, the nurse turned and snapped, "Honey, he's not that sick!"
5. A member of the Parliament, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this House is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
All the other members demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member responds. "Okay," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this House is not made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
6. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem Can there be greater than this one?'
7. An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
8. When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening. Three days later, she became his stepmother.